I am only hours away from my last ‘planned’ chemotherapy session.. Shortly i will get ready to go to the chemo suite.. Hopefully for the last time..

I say this is my last planned chemotherapy session because we are hoping that the PET scan i will have in the weeks to come will show that i have fully responded to the chemo and gone into remission.. 

The days leading up to today have been full of excitement, anticipation and fear.. When you feel so close to what potentially can be the end of a nightmare, you fear that anything small can delay you reaching that end goal. Any simple illness like a cold or a slightly raised temperature can delay my chemo session.. I can only compare it to running to catch a flight which your late for with a few minutes left till the gate closes (yeap i’ve been that crazy looking person with a hundred pieces of hand luggage running to board a plane which I’m about to miss because I spent too long in duty free.. Guilty!)..

I have decided to go into the chemo suite and treat it like it is my final time.. I truly believe in mind over matter.. If you are positive the outcome will be positive.. I have come too far to go back now.. My cancer nurse specialist told me a few days ago I shouldn’t “tempt fate”.. But i strongly believe that this is it.. Well that’s what i want to believe.. 

I have definitely reached that point of complete exhaustion and i’m pretty fed up.. I just want the simple things in life which have been missing for so many months.. I miss sleeping in one stretch.. Not waking up every couple of hours because of my night sweats and hot flushes (side effect of hormone injections).. I also miss showering without having to wrap my arm in cling film and a platic sleeve.. and i miss eating salads, biting into a chicken burger from the local takeaway, leaving the house to go somewhere other than the hospital and just so much more! 
I know i am probably getting ahead of myself but i will get better.. I will.. I know it.. I have to get better.. 

I absolutely hate chemotherapy.. They say with time it gets easier.. But for me it has been the total opposite.. The last two chemo sessions have been the most difficult.. It is humiliating being the only person in the chemo suite throwing up back to back for several hours.. It has been a struggle.. That is why i need to finish.. My body can’t take anymore it is worn out..

Right.. Time to get ready.. This will be my last time walking along those corridors.. Up that lift and into that chemo suite…

The coming weeks will be revealing.. But now let me end on a positive note as usual..
Big thanks to my beautiful cousin from Iraq who prayed for me at the holy shrines of Sayida Zainab and Sayida Ruqaya..

My wife for life Avan.. Thank you for these beautiful flowers.. I love you so so much!!

My cute little niece remembers always remembers to get me something when she is out shopping with her mum.. This weeks gift.. Love her so much

One of my amazing best friends Jichi got me this super cool Mary Berry baking book!!! Thanks to the great british bake off i’ve caught the baking bug.. But i havnt experimented much.. This book is what i needed to kick start me! Thank you so much!!!

Finally.. I thought i’d share some of the knitting i’ve done over the last few week.. How i keep myself busy!

Headbands for myself..

Snood/infinty scarf for my mum..

Chunky scarves for friends and family..

Sending you all lots of love and positive energy.. I have a tiny request for anyone who reads my blog and this post.. I have a friend whose baby daughter is very very sick and currently in intensive care fighting for her life.. Please please remember her in your prayers.. Thank you..