On Wednesday the 3rd of May 2017 my doctor confirmed my cancer had returned. I have relapsed. The biopsy samples taken last week all showed my Hodgkin lymphoma is back. My doctor said he was “devastated” for me, but i just smiled and said it will be okay… it will be okay..
This is the picture in full.. this is the reality of my story and journey so far.. in less than 12 months i was diagnosed with cancer, then told i was clear, then 122 days later (less than 4 months after being told im clear) i was told my cancer is back.. in less than 12 months i have had to cancel my wedding two times (iv been told to cancel it again as im not well enough).. in less than 12 months i have had to go off sick from work and put my training (to be a GP – family doctor) on hold…
You may think that is a lot to deal with.. not for me.. but for everyone around me watching this nightmare unfold and feeling they are hopeless..
That thick metal chain i felt around my neck which was suffocating me, was briefly removed – for less than 4 months.. barely enough time to allow me to acclimatise to normality.. not enough time for me to breathe fresh air.. here i am again.. in a worse situation than before.. my cancer has been aggressive enough to come back within such a short space in time..
It is okay though.. it will be okay.. we as humans unfortunately are very self centred.. we look at our misfortunes and believe we are so unlucky and that the world should revolve around us and our problems.. but this is how i see it.. I truly believe with all my heart that i am lucky.. i may sound bonkers but i am lucky.. i have my five senses, i live in a safe country, i have a warm home and loving family and friends.. there is so much beauty around me which makes me smile and feel content… i belive God gives and takes.. you can’t have the whole cake and eat it.. life was never meant to be perfect.. embrace every single day and moment for what it is.. there will be hard times… you may cry and be angry one day.. but you will smile and laugh the next.. Everyone has one problem or another.. no one is living a completely perfect life.. none of us know what is behind the closed door.. we are made to believe that life is picture perfect like on Instagram.. we envy each others lives.. not knowing that social media is a distorted picture of reality.. my misfortunes to you may be great.. but yours may be greater in my eyes…
Bottom line is.. what im trying to say is.. be happy.. love life for what it is.. be positive.. carry a smile wherever you go.. embrace the flaws your life and use them to elevate you to a better place…
Okay so enough preaching, this blog is meant to be about my journey fighting cancer (how dramatic)..
Symptom wise I am okay, im doing well, with the help of my haematologist and dermatologist i am on medication to help control my rash and itching.. i am loosing weight (please girls.. dont give me the evil eye haha.. no seriously this isnt good weight loss), i have had only very slight night sweats so far and they only began two days ago…
So what is next? I need to be started on Salvage chemotherapy (ESHAP for the budding medics), intense hardcore chemotherapy as a inpatient in hospital and then i will need a bone marrow transplant after… the plan is for me to be admitted to the haematology ward in my hospital as soon as a bed becomes available.. so in the next few days.. in the mean time i am on 6 different medications – swallowing 14 tablets a day (only)! I will be put back on the Zoladex injection to put my body into artificial menopause, and i will restart the GCSF injections to help boost my immune system..
I think that’s enough information for now.. I will be back.. probably to moan about how much of a nuisance it is to cancel a wedding only few months away.. oh and to talk about my poor hair which i have worked so hard to grow out bits of!
I send you all my sincere love and thanks for all the support.. my amazing army..
Chin up.. Breathe.. and Smile.. We got this.. i promise.. we got this!
Oh and yes before i forget.. my amazing amazing best friends took me on my hen-do turned we-can-beat-cancer-do and it was one of the best trips.. full of laughter and love.. i have the bestest friends..
Here are two pictures from the trip.. photography courtesy of my beautiful F.Jichi ❤
(P.S never be deceived by pictures.. a stranger seeing these pictures would never guess what is really going on..)
8 thoughts on “Bad news”
Hi Milad, saw your post and actually got emotional reading about the relapse.
But your positive approach is indeed comendable.Plz have faith, you will emerge successful once again.Will always rememeber you in my duas.You are a brave Women..Take care
^ Couldn’t have said it better. You can do this Milad, we’re all praying for you. Inshallah bihaq Imam Mehdi (atf), your journey is made easy and you come out stronger than ever! Xx
I’ve checked back here about 10 times since the previous post, but each time been unable to express how upset this latest news has made me feel. I couldn’t believe that I had seen you just a couple of weeks before, back at work with a huge beaming smile, ready to carry on as if nothing had ever happened. But I feel ridiculous; I mean your last post is such a beacon of positivity and strength, who am I to feel upset or let down by this?
You are a true embodiment of the verse:
لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).
You are such a strong and faithful person- God knows this cancer has got nothing on you. So yes, you will fight this again, and again, and again. Each time stronger, more beautiful, more appreciative of every little blessing in your life.
Ps- you truly look like an angel in that first picture xxx
I reiterate what everyone else is saying-what an inspiration! Sending lots of love and prayers your way ❤ you can do this! Xx
You are such an inspiration Milad. You will get through this and I will see your beautiful face again at work. Much love and duas your way. Xxxx
Can I give you my bone marrow, let me know as I would like to help in any way I can.
You will get through this brave lady. Stay strong and positive.
You are such an inspiration and role model – sending you so much love ❤