Its been a long wait.. Finally i feel a load has been lifted off my shoulder. For the last few weeks we have been stepping on egg shells at home, my younger sister had her final exams and we didn’t want her to find out about my health. Its easy for someone to be engulfed in their own worries and forget about those around them. It wouldn’t be fair on my sister to disrupt her studies at a crucial point.. and so the long wait..
So breaking the news.. Its never easy talking about this, but before i could tell my sister there was another young member in the family who had to know.. i felt the time was right to speak to my eight year old niece.. I had actually been preparing her for the news days before.
I have a unique relationship with my niece, she lived in our home for most of her life and so i have seen her grow. We are both leos and share similar traits which may be why we are so close – she spends a lot of time in my room.
I had spent the last few days discussing cancer with my niece, i first asked her what she knew about it and if she knew anyone who had cancer. She told me she knew it was a nasty thing and how she has a friend who had cancer but is now better. She then said “I dont think i like it” which I thought was really cute! I explained to her how our body is made up of loads of cells just like how a house is made up of bricks. I described to her; for our body to work and grow these cells need to keep splitting so there are more of them, like if the bricks of a house werebto double so the house can become bigger. I went on to explain how if the bricks double in the wrong way it can mean the house becomes wobbly and in bad shape, cancer is when the cells of the body split in the wrong way which can leave the body in bad shape and make someone unwell. I did tell her that sometimes this can be fixed but its not a easy job and can take time.
When the time came to tell my niece i asked her what she remembered from our talk, then told her that someone close to her was unwell with cancer but they would get better. I asked her to guess who has been unwell and may have the cancer.. She guessed names and i kept saying no, i then told her its someone sat right next to her.. At no point did she look at me, totally avoiding me, she said the names of family members who were not near by! Then to my surprise she told me.. “I knew you were unwell, when you spoke to me about cancer i knew you had it”… Kids are so bright!!! I hugged her and spent some time telling her how i will get better but in the process i may loose my hair and look different and i dont want that to scare her.. And that was that.. Topic over.. But can i say i now get extra sympathy hugs.. And trust me there is nothing like a cute cuddle from my little princess.
So next i had to tell my younger sister.. I had no idea how she would react.. I expected the worst but hoped for the best.. She came home in the evening after her exams.. After sitting with the family and chatting for a bit, she turned to me and asked if i had found out what was wrong with me – she knew i was going to hospital for itchy skin but that was it! It was such a big relief that she opened the subject.. So i told her point blankly that i had blood cancer.. How did she react? Pretty well.. She asked what that meant and what needed to be done.. Her reaction surprised us all at home! She said one nice thing which still resonates with me “like we dealt with dad’s accident we will deal with this” (for those who don’t know my dad was involved in a serious life threatening road traffic accident in 2013 which left him in hospital for months).
That’s that! Finally no more secrets.. Its all out there.. It feels great..
I’m praying to hear good news about my PET scan and i can’t wait to start my chemotherapy so i can finally say i’m on treatment..
It’s a bank holiday weekend.. Great for those who have time off from work.. But not for patients like me waiting for test results..
Finally i leave you with this beautiful sign my elder sister got for my room..