Starting a new treatment regime 

I am in the car being driven to a hospital in central London where my healthcare has now been completely transferred – today i start a new treatment in a new hospital and can only pray that with the will of God i can beat the statistics.

The last week or so has not been easy, I can’t find a single word to describe my emotions and i feel no one would really understand what its like as a doctor being told details you would never wish upon your own patients let alone a close one or yourself.

I was seen by a consultant in this specialist cancer centre last week, who went over my scan… I thought i had already heard the bad news and that was it.. but then he told me that my scan was discussed in their multidisciplinary team meeting and they believe my cancer has got bigger.. not only that.. there is only a 30% chance of getting me into remission (cancer free)… my doctor may say 30%.. i say with the will of God 100%…

Today i am starting this new treatment regime which is given over two days, the drugs i will be having (for those interested in details) are Bendamustine and Brentuximab – the latter being given on the second day only. I will have this every three weeks and then have a scan several weeks after my third cycle – to see if there has been any change.

In my last post I briefly mentioned i was admitted to hospital for an infection – a quick update on that.. I decided to self discharge (something I am really against and would never let one of my own patient do).. i had my reasons to want to walk out of hospital – primarily because there were no beds on the haematology ward (something beyond anyone’s control as our broken NHS is far stretched and there are not enough beds).. but i was put on an orthopaedic ward which had poor hygiene the details of which I can’t find myself writing and nursing staff who are not used to dealing with patients like me at all.. it was an awful experience – that should never happen to any patient – let alone a patient who has been given life changing news. I reached a compromise with my doctors who let me leave the hospital on the condition that i return every day to the haematology unit for drips of antibiotics.. which i did agree to.

Despite all the antibiotics i have continued to have high temperatures which my doctors tell me is most likely from my cancer. I have been put on steroids which thankfully has helped with my swallowing.

I feel emotionally drained and physically exhausted – i have not given up – i am dressed and ready for today – to try new drugs – to beat this cancer… but even the tallest and strongest of mountains will have some erosions and parts of it will crumble and fall with the changes in time, but that never stops a mountain from still standing high and strong.. and thats what i hope i can be.. a mountain taking hits but still standing…

Since hearing all the news i have my perspective on life has really changed even from 3 weeks ago… i cant explain it.. but for me nothing in this world really matters anymore as much as spending as much time with my family.. i am no longer setting myself deadlines of when I want to be back at work or when i to have my hair grown back and have that wedding… i have never valued time as much as now.. i wish i had this wake up call sooner.. every minute counts.. live it to the maximum and don’t waste time over petty things..

Right.. I am here in hospital now..

I won’t give up.. i will keep this fight going till my last breath.. i can beat cancer.. and i will.. however long it takes.. even if we run out of options.. i will find a way.. 

Thank you to everyone for all the support and prayers which i am so desperate for.. with so much going on im slow to open my messages and social media.. i thank every single person who has thought and prayed for me.. as much as i want this for myself.. I really want to one day share some good news with you all.. this will always be all our fight… 

Getting ready for chemo now.. deep breath.. in the name of God.. please cure me from this disease…
Love and positive energy from a small fighter in a big world..
Milad x

28 thoughts on “Starting a new treatment regime 

  1. Milad, you maybe small but your courage and inspiration is great. You seem to be a fantastic fighter. Most people would have given up by now. Keep going even if the doctors tell you the small percentages. Only you know what what your body can cope with. I was told all sorts of possibilies for my baby daughter and now she’s a healthy 4 years old. Go out there and kiss cancer’s ass. My mother did and we still have her after the doctors at royal marsden have her similar stats.
    We’ll all behind you. You’re on our minds and prays. May god bless with some good news
    We’ll be waiting

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  2. Praying for you this leylatul jum3a habibty Milad. You are special and inspirational ♥️
    Allah o Muhammed o Ali weyyaach.

    XxxX

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  3. MashaAllah you are so strong Milad. An inspiration to everyone. InshaAllah bi7aq Alulbayt, Allah cures you 100% 🙏🏻

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  4. Habibti,
    We are all so proud of u and we’re thinking of u and praying for u everyday
    U are an inspiration to all of us it is difficult to be the one being tested by Allah swt and yet also be the strongest one of us u remind me of mama may she rip. My mother (ur aunt) was the strongest woman ive ever known and im so glad to see u fight for ur health as she did for the sake of her family we will not let cancer take anyone else from this family we will pray and have faith in Allah and ahlulbayt a.s because they are the cure because nothing is impossible in the hands of the almighty.
    Best of luck with ur new treatment our thoughts are with you my dear and brave cousin love u so much xx

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  5. Don’t believe any statistics Milad. You are a fighter even when you may not feel like it. You are a strong and inspirational woman. God is in control. He will never give you more than you can handle. Through your fight with cancer, you have blessed so many people including myself with your beautiful smile and warm personality and
    strength .Stay positive….we are all wishing only the best for you and know that our prayers for your recovery will be answered. Lots of hugs xx

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  6. There is no cure but Allah’s cure; He is the Lord of the Almighty throne and I pray that He grants you a cure that leaves no ailment behind.

    May you be rewarded for every moment of your suffering. I do not personally know you, but I think of you and pray for you. InshaAllah this treatment path will be your cure. Ameen.

    May Allah protect you.

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  7. Don’t know you personally but your blogpost must be the most inspirational piece I’ve ever read. Praying for good news and sending you positive vibes.

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  8. Dear sister… Stay strong as you have been and IA you get a quick and speedy recovery. Will continue to keep you and your loved ones in my prayers.

    There was a girl in my local community and doctor had given her weeks to survive. Nearly 20 years later she is still with us and if you didn’t know her background you would never suspect what she had gone through. Doctors, medication, treatment plans don’t determine our ultimate fate. Stay strong and continue to have faith in the Almighty as he is the Most Merciful. If possible, recite Ziyarat Ashura everyday and as many tasbih of salawat. Lastly, before you go for any test or any treatment takes place simply with your finger and write “bismillahirrahmanirrahim”. God willing you will conquer this and be well once again.

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  9. Habibty Milad!! you are so strong and you will beat this!!! inshallah this treatment will work ya rabbi!! praying for you every single day and wish you the fastest recovery ya rab!! Thanks for sharing your jorney with us it is so eye opening.. please continue to do so! lots of love and prayers and positivity your way xoxoxox Erika from Canada

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  10. All our thoughts are with you, and our prayers for you. Words can’t describe how desperate we are for good news!

    Ya Allah

    xxxx

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  11. Stay strong and fight this illness! The God you know is stronger than anything, and nothing will happen that isn’t a part of His will. xxx

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  12. Never trust the percentages.. doctors came up with these percentages from stupid statistical models that were created by probably a bunch of stupid doctors.. remember the power of Allah.. that rules out every other study and doctor..

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  13. I will just say the first thing I told you about this…… F#@K cancer.
    There is NO doctor out there that can give you the percentage on will power.

    You got this. You WILL beat it.

    Love you tons💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

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  14. Ya rab I pray for you from all my heart to be cured soon you’re brave, strong and positive about everything wishing you all the best
    Saja from Australia xx

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  15. Dear Milad,
    I pray from the bottom of my heart that Allah swt will cure you completely forever. Asalo Allahu al3adhim, Rabbul 3arshi al3adhim, an yashfiyak!!

    Allahuma Rabba nas, mudhiba albas, ashifi Anta Alshafi, la shafiha illa Anta, shifan la yughadiru saqaman.

    Allah only sent His greatest fighter into the war. You will make it dear! Everything will be good again, inshAllah. With hardship comes ease.

    May Allah swt make this new Regime the most effective one for your shifa and may the cancer will be forever gone inshAllah 👐🏼👐🏼👐🏼

    Bismillah let’s fight this beast!

    Warm hugs from your sister from Germany.

    XXX

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  16. Milad, sending you love, prayers and positive energy. Inspired by your bravery and your outlook as always. We are all rooting for you, keep fighting. Thank you for sharing your journey with us x

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