Unplanned hospital admission.. serving more time behind walls

Another hospital admission… This was unexpected and more importantly uncalled for!

Unfortunately i welcomed the weekend by becoming unwell.. feeling rubbish with a fever.. and so i earned myself a bed in hospital during a busy season.. another lifetime achievement.. ☑️

Today is my third day in hospital, i am on IV antibiotics again.. basically because i had a fever and i am neutropenic (very low white cell count.. your white cells are the cells which fight infection). To be the fair I was warned that cyclophosphamide (the chemo drug i had last week) would make my white cell count drop.. my specialist nurse said it will “hammer” my bone marrow, but i didn’t expect to become unwell and end up in hospital. Since being admitted my neutrophils (white cell) count has gone from ‘0.02’ (which is very very low) to now ‘—’ (completely flat.. basically undetectable)… this is the lowest my white cell count has ever dropped to.. i am on injections which will hopefully soon kick in and help bring my count up again.. i pray..

I am used to being in hospital, those who have followed my journey know I have had quite a few number of admissions… my biggest concern at the moment is my stem cell transplant being jeopardised.. i was due to come into hospital tomorrow to have my stem cells collected.. today I was told that may not go ahead as I may not be ready… I am sitting tight and waiting to find out what will happen.. every single bit of my journey has had a hiccup here and there.. maybe it was wishful thinking that my transplant experience would be smooth…

One of the comforts I have is being on a ward i am familiar with.. there is a phlebotomist who works on this ward who I know from my previous admissions.. today she came to take my bloods and gave me a big hug and said she always prays for me… she is a devout Christian who always spends extra time with me talking about God and giving me a spiritual boost.. i won’t share her name as I don’t want to get her in trouble.. healthcare staff are advised not to discuss religion and force their beliefs on patients.. she has never forced her beliefs on me.. I just enjoy her company as she brings so much positive energy.. during my last admission she gifted me with the Gospel of John and a copy of the New Testament which I found to be a sweet gesture… my faith is a big part of my life.. and i feel a special connection with people who truly believe in God.. whatever their religion may be..

My experience during this admission hasn’t been fully great… my first night on the ward was awful.. it took over two hours from the point I was transferred to the ward for the nurse looking after me to say hello.. it felt like I was dumped on the ward and no one was interested… when my family approached the nurse to ask for something trivial (a urine sample pot!) before they could even finish their sentence the nurse put his hand out making a stop sign, saying he was too busy! It took over two hours for someone to even check my observations (which were not normal).. its just simply wrong.. when a patient is moved to a ward, usually a nurse comes to say hello, and check that everything is okay.. you don’t get ignored… anyway I have learnt to become vocal, and i made sure I voiced my opinion.. I did get an apology.. but I wasn’t impressed that the nurse went on to say I looked “too well” and that he recognised me from a previous admission when i also looked too well!! When i was last admitted this same nurse told me I was too well to be in hospital.. yet i ended up being in hospital for 10 days.. I ignored it last time, but this time I wasn’t going to let it pass! If I’m smiling and friendly it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m completely well.. a patient shouldn’t have to bleed out of his/her nose, mouth and ears to be unwell! I believe sometimes there is a prejudice towards younger patients (if i may call myself young) that we are super anxious.. that night i really felt like screaming “do you really think i enjoy being here”… Anyway when the nurse saw my blood test results and realised that I did have a temperature his manner improved…

Generally I have had more positive experiences than negative ones… the emergency nurses who looked after me were just incredible.. they were all really good, probably my best experience in the emergency department so far… this is not the reason why im saying my experience was good, but its funny so I thought I’d share it…one of the nurses kept saying how shes convinced im a movie star and that she’d seen me on TV.. even my name sounded like someone famous.. honestly it was hilarious hearing her talk.. i definitely don’t look like a movie star, im not sure if its my ‘neither here or there’ hair that gives me a edgy look… anyway in the end she realised she had seen my face many times in the emergency department.. and not on TV!

My medical team and specialist nurses are excellent.. i am grateful for the care I receive.. even when things don’t go smoothly i know that most of the staff working in the NHS work really hard to give the best medical service…

So what now? We genuinely don’t know anything for sure.. all i know is that we have to wait and see if my stem cells can be collected.. however in preparation i am currently nil by mouth (fasting) waiting to go to theatre to have a vascular catheter inserted in my groin… through this they will be able to collect my stem cells if possible (i don’t have any good veins in my arms). The image below is a very rough sketch of what a vascular catheter is.

Image taken from: http://kidneyschool.org/m08/8/

I hope to have some positive news the next time I write a blog post.. I can’t thank my family enough for everything they do for me.. I just cant put their support into words…

Massive thanks to one of the most beautiful souls ever..my friend Selin who is incredible.. i got to know her through my blog.. she has a close friend who had lymphoma and was treated in the same hospital as me.. this girl is just such a ray of sunshine.. i’m so grateful our paths have crossed… I LOVE U!!!! Thank you for the gorgeous gifts..


To all my readers.. may God bless you all.. sorry for all the pictures I haven’t posted yet. Lots of love and positive energy from me to you xxxx


7 thoughts on “Unplanned hospital admission.. serving more time behind walls

  1. Assalamu alaikam sister, I am a complete stranger, but seeing your blog appear in my inbox brings a smile to my face. I have been following your journey for a few months and the way you write makes me feel like I am on this journey with you. I have the utmost respect and admiration for you, you are truly inspiring and you help me put my life into perspective – thank you. Like many, my prayers and duas are with you and your family x


  2. May Allah grant you the strength and inspiration to go through all the treatments. Praying for successful outcome.
    You are so brave and I am really inspired by your blogs.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences.
    God bless you


  3. May Allah grant you a cure that leaves no ailment behind and may you be rewarded for every moment of your sickness. God bless you.


  4. So sorry to hear this Milad, inshallah it is just a tiny hiccup and all goes smoothly from here. Praying for you always and sending you lots of love and positivity. You will get past this inshallah! xxxx


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