Knowing me.. This isn’t going to be quick..

This last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions.. I have had some of my happiest moments since falling ill but i have also been at my lowest point.. The strongest of people will break at some point..

I am happy to say that i have been well and pain free over the last few days.. I even drove and went out for dinner with my fiance.. I wore heels again for the first time and put effort into dressing up.. I can’t describe how good it felt to go out and have a normal day. I have really missed wearing heels and for once wasn’t bothered by the blisters i was left with.. I am so thankful i had that opportunity and i hope it wont be the last time we go out!

Some snaps from our meal.. I probably ate things i’ve been told to avoid.. I’m not the model patient.. There is a rebel in me which comes out every now and then, a rebel who wants to live life like there is nothing wrong..

Now for some gloomy talk.. I am struggling to sleep these days, with only 4 hours of sleep maximum its not been great! I believe its a combination of my night sweats which wake me up and the side effect of the steroids i’m on.. It is no fun being tired and i certainly don’t enjoy the dark under eye bag look im rocking.. I am also unhappy about the weight i have gained which again is made worse by steroids.. I will talk about this separelty soon.. For now I plan to try and come off my steroids this week and see how things go (like all my problems will vanish.. It is always easier to find something to pin the blame on).. I have discussed stopping my steroids at length with my doctor. As a medical professional myself i understand the benefits of my medication and i will take them if i need them, i will never do anything that will compromise my health.

More gloomy talk.. I have broken down a few times this last week.. hitting rock bottom at times.. I am finding it very very very difficult to deal with my hair falling out.. Even writting about it makes my eyes well up.. I don’t think i am fully ready to talk about it just yet.. I wish, pray and hope i have enough of my own natural hair on my birthday.. I really don’t think that will be achievable even with only 13 days to go.. I am still waiting for my wig.. Anyway.. Maybe i’ll talk about hair another time.. I know my hair will grow back, i hear that a lot.. but until you walk in my shoes you won’t understand me.. 

So today i went into hospital for more blood tests and my monthly hormone injection (which helps reduce any damage to my fertility).. I’ve mentioned how horrific this injection is before but i haven’t shared a photo of it yet.. The injection is given into the belly.. I am not needle phobic in anyway, but the size of this needle is on a league of its own! If you are wondering.. Yes it is very painful.. And here’s the picture:

Yeah.. That gets jabbed into my tummy.. 

My next chemo is in 2 days.. I guess my main thoughts are about my hair falling .. I am expecting to feel unwell after chemo with nausea and sore mouth so that won’t be a surprise.. For now i will take each day as it comes and hope for the best..

Time to share some more flowers! My house hasn’t been flower free since i fell unwell.. I am truly grateful for the love and support everyone has shown.. Saying thank you is not enough..

Beautiful flowers from even more beautiful people.. What a lovely surprise i got today! Can’t wait to see these flowers bloom.. Thank you so so much

And.. Something from my better half.. Nothing compares to him being by my side during life’s toughest moments.. He is the best gift..

For all those continuing to follow my blog and journey i thank you so much for your support.. Sending you all lots of love xxxx