Hey! This week has been eventful, and i’m back behind the screen to share whats happened. I was up till 2am chatting to my sis inlaw who is 18 going onto 38.. She is super mature and wise.. with all her words of wisdom and advice i feel positve and so here I am all chatty again..

Those following my blog will know that last week my white cell count dropped and I have been on treatment for an infection and that I was due to have repeat blood tests to check if my count has increased which would determine if I can still have chemo as scheduled.

On Monday I had those tests which came back showing my count had come up. However I felt unwell on Tuesday and began to develop an ear infection, so when I went into hospital for chemo on Wednesday I mentioned this and was seen by the haemtologist who decided I needed my bloods rechecked. As Mondays bloods were okay and I was feeling better she decided I can go ahead with the chemo, but my bloods were taken again before the chemo was given.

That day in the chemo unit was different to the usual.. One of the patients was there to have her last dose of chemo so her and her family had brought in samosas and gifts for the team.. It was so nice to see this patient so happy.. There was positivity in the air.. It made me think of how i would feel on my last day of chemo.. She was taking photos and selfies.. I was so happy for! Can i just say.. I am always the only young patient in the chemo suite.. The odd one out!

Chemo was started.. It was awful as usual, i developed arm pain again despite all the extra measures they took.. 

A fancy heat pack for my arm to help reduce the pain.. Nothing works!

Whilst having chemo I had an unexpected visitor which kind of resulted in me having a mini melt down.. No it wasnt an imaginary ex or a long lost relative.. seriously.. (Sorry to disappoint).. it was one of the palliative care nurses I had worked with for quite a while and who i had a special connection with.. Palliative nurses are those who specialise in end of life care – dying patients.. I generally got on very well with the palliative team because its a speciality I feel strongly about.. Working with stroke patients this year meant I had frequent run ins with palliative nurses.. Nurse K happened to spot me as she was passing by the corridor along which the chemo unit is, she was in total shock finding me sat in the chemo chair.. She stood infront of me and kept saying “what are you doing here??”, so i gave her a big hug and cried on her shoulders as I spilled everything out.. Between us we had shared a few tears in the past as we looked after dying patients, and we had chatted many times about death. She had always advised me I should stick to working in hospital and not be a GP as she felt hospital is where i belong.. The last time I had seen nurse K was not long before my diagnosis.. It felt so strange to be talking to her from my chemo chair whilst in pain.. Talking to her was a relief in many ways.. She understood me.. She has promised to pop by when I have chemo and to let one of the other palliative nurses I worked with come by.. “We will get over this together” those were her words.. I will get over this.. I miss my patients.. I’m not a good patient.. I want to be a doctor again.. Not a patient. I miss my colleagues..

After nurse K left, the patient who was there for her last chemo dose came over with her friend. They were both so sweet and gave me big hugs and told me it will all be okay.. I talked to them about my wedding plans and how I felt my life had changed so suddenly.. They were so nice and positive.. They even took my number down to stay in touch – and they have since messaged daily!

Anyway..

So chemo was over.. I was ready to escape.. When the doctor called the chemo unit and said he needed to see me.. Now I thought it was because of my PICC line (permanent tube in my arm) which was due to be put in the next day.. What I didn’t expect to hear is that my blood tests taken just before chemo was given had shown my white cell count had dropped to 0.7 – the lowest its ever been.. also my infection markers had gone up higher… *drama*

Now here is the problem.. Chemo had already been given.. So inevitably my count will drop even lower which is not good news.. To make matters even more tense, the G-CSF injection i’m given (I’ve talked about this in my last post) which helps bring my count up couldn’t be given straight after chemo because there is a risk of lung damage (Pulmonary fibrosis – for you geeks/healthcare pros). So.. I was sent home with more antibiotics as well as the G-CSF which I am due to give myself today (I have become a expert at jabbing myself).

How am I doing at the moment? I’m okay, my sore mouth is back in town but not as bad as before so I will not complain. I havn’t been able to exercise because of no energy.. I’m not worried about weight gain as my appetite has hit rock bottom thanks to the post chemo nausea.. But I am doing well.. and I am in great spirits! I have a lot of faith in God.. As one of my best mates Jichi said  last night”he’s with you, i can feel it”.

What happens next?? Monday my bloods are re-checked and all fingers crossed my count has begun to go up.. Otherwise more injections.. Tuesday is my repeat PET scan to see if chemo is working HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday I see my consultant… Basically I shall pack my bag and move in to hospital seeing as I spend most my week there.. 

I had my PICC line put in this week!!! I will post about that separately.. Shortly.. thats the plan..
Time for some happppy photos!!

Guess who sent me flowers.. total total shock and the best surprise ever!!! My workplace!! The flowers are beautiful.. whats more beautiful is knowing my colleagues aren’t angry or dissapointed with me.. Don’t get me wrong they have been extemely supportive and understanding from day 1, a few of them are in regular contact, always checking up on me.. But I went off sick at a time when we were so short staffed which has always left me feeling guilty.. These flowers made me feel everyone is okay with me.. Reassurance..

Incase she doesn’t spoil me enough.. Another gift from my wifey for lifey.. Avan I LOVE YOU.. my fiance is seriously feeling the heat.. he can’t compete with you! Thank you!!!!! By the way.. How cool is a chocolate pizza!

Another beautiful gift… Love loveeee loveeee it.. Me and mum both love fashion and this has been a real treat.. From one of my best mates.. Jich I LOVE U.. No more!!!! You’ve done so much!!!!

I will be back shortly to share what happened when I had my PICC line put in.. For now sending you all so much love xxxxx