There is more to being unwell than the illness itself.. what people don’t realise is that along with disease comes many other things.. Its just not as simple as you may think. Cancer has not only changed my physical health but changed many aspects of my life..
I was two months away from completing my second year in GP training, then i only had one more year left before qualifying. As my diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks i experienced many emotions from sadness to fear to guilt to anxiety.. I knew many aspects of my life would change forever..
Describing myself as a workaholic is probably an understatement.. I love my job, every element of it, it truly brings me happiness and i feel my best at work.. Sounds pretty sad but thats the truth.. When i knew i was unwell and that the diagnosis of cancer was on the cards one of my biggest worries wasn’t dying but being unable to work..
When my consultant told me i had cancer and as he described my treatment and what i will go through i never cried.. When he told me i could no longer go into work as i was too unwell thats when i cried.. I felt my cancer is taking everything important away from me.. My health.. My freedom.. My wedding.. and now my job..
Today i went in to work to meet my PD – programme director (basically the doctor who oversees my GP training). Those who have trained to be a GP in my hospital will know that the PD is more than someone who lectures you.. My PD is like a fresh breath of air.. Someone i can talk to and discuss all my troubles without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. A supportive person who is unbiased and gives me direction..
We spoke at length about what i am going through.. And we also discussed my career..
So yes i wont be going back to work before i get better (i will get better, i will, i will). My training will be put on hold and i will return to it after completing my treatment.. Looks like i better find myself a hobby whilst i do time locked up in my home.. Like cancer isn’t enough to deal with..
I am sat here battling with my emotions, trying my best to push this curve ball which has been thrown at me away..
I will not let cancer take my career away from me.. I will complete my training.. I will return to my job one day, helping others and making a difference. However at present i need to listen to my body.. which is telling me to rest and put my career on hold..
I have decided to look into ways of bettering my career during my period of illness.. Distant learning.. Studying for a further qualification? Anything that would bring back some normality into my life..
You only live once..
Time is of the essence..
Don’t waste it.. Make the most of everyday..
What you have today you might not have tomorrow.. Trust me.. I would know.. I am seeing everything fall around me..
The fight for survival goes on..
(Oh and i am still waiting for my PET scan result..)
listentoyourbody 
Dear Milad,
Your courage and patience is truly inspirational. Your blog is very touching and I’m sure will have a positive impact on many people! Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
I pray to Allah swt that he grants you a very speedy recovery and makes the journey easy for you and your loved ones and you come out of this a stronger person!
Keep fighting!
All the best and lots of love and duas xx
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind wishes and message. I really appreciate all the support and motivation xxx
LikeLike
I recently came across your blog and you have bought tears to my eyes. I haven’t slept well since hearing of this difficult journey you are on but from what I have been reading you seems a strong and determined young women. You are in my prayers and God willing this is over quickly and you can go on with your Training and wedding.
LikeLike
Thank you so much, i hope to spread positive energy and not tears. Thank u for your prayers
LikeLike
There are many who are reading your posts even though we may not be commenting. We are laughing with you, crying with you and sending you virtual hugs. Your positivity and faith in Allah swt is what’s going to get you through this coupled with the love and Duas that people are sending your way.
You’re right in saying that doctors don’t always fully understand and appreciate what their patients go through which is why it’s so important for us to remind ourselves of it daily and your blog will help with that as you are a doctor and a patient at the same time which in itself isn’t easy. Doctors are in a position of great responsibility and privilege and we shouldn’t ever forget that, your blog will be a constant reminder to me and other I’m sure.
You are a true inspiration and I pray that you come out of this journey a better doctor than you already are which I’m not even sure is possible because you’re wonderful mashallah. I agree, keep your mind active, there’s plenty of things that will help you do that and I’m sure you will find something that will interest you.
Lots of love X
LikeLike
Your message is truly touching.. Thank you for everything.. You have always been a great friend and support, asking about me even when i was well which is rare these days. You are a great doctor and someone whom id love to be like. Thank you again and love you loads xxxx
LikeLike
Dear Milad
Reading your blog bought tears to my eyes. I was incredibly saddened by your ordeal.
But it also inspired me, seeing such a hard working girl Mashallah and your so strong. May Allah always keep you strong and inshallah you fight this and come out stronger and better than ever.
You will be in my daily duas and prayers
Love Zainab
LikeLike
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, i appreciate all the lovely messages and prayers.. Thank you
LikeLike
Dear Milad, I was sent your blog. I really hope and pray for you to make a speedy recovery. I was very saddened by the news but I am sure you will get through it inshallah you are a strong woman. Don’t forget that. I pray for you Hun and am following your journey xxx
LikeLike
Thank you for your message and prayers xxx
LikeLike
Dear Milad,
Although not many people are commenting, please know that many people are reading and wishing you well and praying for you. You are a role model for many – keep going.
LikeLike
Thank u so much for your kind message
LikeLike
You’re right in one of your earlier posts, not many doctors know what their patients go through. I have no doubt that you will come out of this more determined and successful than ever. Your blog will inspire doctors and patients and that in and of itself is you being the wonderful doctor and person that you are.
LikeLike
Thank u so much.. Love u xx
LikeLike
You’re right in one of your earlier posts, not many doctors know what their patients go through. I have no doubt that you will come out of this more determined and successful than ever. Your blog is going to inspire many doctors and patients and that in and of itself is you being the wonderful doctor and person that you are.
LikeLike