There is more to being unwell than the illness itself.. what people don’t realise is that along with disease comes many other things.. Its just not as simple as you may think. Cancer has not only changed my physical health but changed many aspects of my life..
I was two months away from completing my second year in GP training, then i only had one more year left before qualifying. As my diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks i experienced many emotions from sadness to fear to guilt to anxiety.. I knew many aspects of my life would change forever..
Describing myself as a workaholic is probably an understatement.. I love my job, every element of it, it truly brings me happiness and i feel my best at work.. Sounds pretty sad but thats the truth.. When i knew i was unwell and that the diagnosis of cancer was on the cards one of my biggest worries wasn’t dying but being unable to work..
When my consultant told me i had cancer and as he described my treatment and what i will go through i never cried.. When he told me i could no longer go into work as i was too unwell thats when i cried.. I felt my cancer is taking everything important away from me.. My health.. My freedom.. My wedding.. and now my job..
Today i went in to work to meet my PD – programme director (basically the doctor who oversees my GP training). Those who have trained to be a GP in my hospital will know that the PD is more than someone who lectures you.. My PD is like a fresh breath of air.. Someone i can talk to and discuss all my troubles without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. A supportive person who is unbiased and gives me direction..
We spoke at length about what i am going through.. And we also discussed my career..
So yes i wont be going back to work before i get better (i will get better, i will, i will). My training will be put on hold and i will return to it after completing my treatment.. Looks like i better find myself a hobby whilst i do time locked up in my home.. Like cancer isn’t enough to deal with..
I am sat here battling with my emotions, trying my best to push this curve ball which has been thrown at me away..
I will not let cancer take my career away from me.. I will complete my training.. I will return to my job one day, helping others and making a difference. However at present i need to listen to my body.. which is telling me to rest and put my career on hold..
I have decided to look into ways of bettering my career during my period of illness.. Distant learning.. Studying for a further qualification? Anything that would bring back some normality into my life..
You only live once..
Time is of the essence..
Don’t waste it.. Make the most of everyday..
What you have today you might not have tomorrow.. Trust me.. I would know.. I am seeing everything fall around me..
The fight for survival goes on..
(Oh and i am still waiting for my PET scan result..)